It was a battle of the minds on June 12th at this years Bogus Religion Conference in Las Vegas. Apparently an altercation erupted when a Scientologist accidentally attended a seminar on “Duping Celebrities for Fun and Profit” hosted by Rhonda Byrne the producer of the film “The Secret”.

Lorenzo Dhumass, a devout follower of Scientology, was the catalyst of the confrontation. “I knew as soon as I heard Oprah Winfrey and Ellen Degeneres mentioned that something was wrong. I began to get the hubbard wubbards as I realized that they were referring to celebrities that hadn’t been converted to Scientology yet. Even worse they were teaching “secrets” that come straight from Scientology literature about duping celebrities. My e-meter practically exploded in my pants.”

Rhonda Byrne had the following to say, “If we did uncover anything of value in our studies of Scientology they obviously fit into the theory of attraction. This would make them secrets of the universe and not protected by copyright, just like human DNA or the the formula for new coke. I would assume that most Bogus Religion’s employ similar tactics to suck money and support out of mindless celebrities. Just because Scientology is old and tired and we are going strong is no reason to knock us. We don’t need Xenu or tech toys to pimp ourselves. We have our powerful points of view!”

The altercation itself involved many Scientologists and “Secret Believers” staring and holding their breath for long periods of time. Paramedics were called when some fainted. Wounded from both factions were given the finest medical care, which of course they said they didn’t need.