“Just like Coke, when we first released Soylent Green we decided to protect our investment by keeping the ingredients secret. Patents go out of date, but a well kept secret can last forever. Now the government has decided to push food labeling laws insisting we list our ingredients. We at the Soylent Corporation feel this would undermine the value of the brand so many have put themselves into for all these years. We can barely make a profit on Soylent Yellow and Red… we certainly don’t want to see this happen with Soylent Green. We still feel Soylent Green is our future, and will live out our years knowing that we want to be a part of it.”

This was the official statement released by the Soylent Corporation today. Tougher food labeling laws are threatening to end Soylent’s monopoly on their unpatented Soylent Green product. The cost effective and always delicious Soylent Green has created many imitators but so far no one has been able to match its satisfying flavor. Knock-off brands have tried to match the consistency and taste by using “pea pulls”, the discarded husks of peas, rumored to be an ingredient, to no avail. How many times have we heard some wacko yelling “Soylent Green is pea pulls!”? If only they were right, then everyone could become a part of the Soylent Green craze.
But what is it that makes Soylent Green so filling? Soon if the federal government has its way - we’ll find out.