1. “When I started that whole spider hole craze that took off in 2004, talk about Internet memes!” - SH
2. “First he kicked my ass….. and then his son kicked my ass. Uday, Qusay and I had many laughs about that irony before we were all killed.” - SH
3. “Bluffing about the WMD’s. This US soooo fell for that. Although after being killed last night I have been rethinking the bang for the buck value of this prank.” - SH

4. “My last name rhymes with insane - how funny is that!” - SH

5. “In retrospect it seems funny I thought the US would beg for my help with their troubles in Iraq. It seems to have been incorrect and unlikely to happen, now that I’m dead.” - SH

6. “All that talk of virgins and happiness in the afterlife. I don’t want to be unfair to Allah but it seems a little hot down here.” - SH

7. “And to think - Osama and I didn’t even get along. After all he lived in those swanky caves, all I got was this crappy spider hole. Although he’s still alive now and I’m dead, paying for his terrorism from beyond the grave. Sorry think I’m bringing myself down on this one.” - SH

8. “Trying to execute me just before a holy day. They looked like keystone cops rushing around trying to beat the clock. Who looks stupid now!” - SH

9. “In court I told them ‘If you strike me down I’ll be more powerful than you can possibly imagine.’ I even made the light saber noise and everything. They totally missed my star wars reference.” - SH

10. Did I mention I’m dead. All things considered somebody has to find that funny.

[kml_flashembed movie="http://eureka3d.com/Add/Coinstar.swf" height="420" width="500" /]

.

Life can be hard and sometimes people lose sight of this. For the truly penniless it can sometimes seem as if there is no hope and that life would be much better with money. However having money is full of challenges as well. The Bush administration today has released the first stage of a Coincon simulator to teach people about life’s adversities. This gives the penniless a taste of what it is like to have pennies - and have to get them exchanged for real cash. Tapping the cage, getting change eaten by the machine and shorted… it’s not all gravy.

So far the project has cost the administration $75,000 and phase two is estimated to have a budget of $400,000. A public relations campaign will begin soon at a cost of $2.5 million dollars. Some think the money should be given to the destitute as a form of welfare. Others feel we should teach the poor to fend for themselves… not give them handouts.
When asked for comment Bush had the following to say:

“Give a man a seed and he will plant it. Pretend to give a man a seed and he will look for real seeds.

Coin changing is a constant source of frustration in peoples lives. We have developed a rock solid strategery to get the poor of our country to understand that. Taxes that benefit the rich are in place to protect the poor from the burden of money. Apparently now there are actual machines that change coins and this program runs on computerers pretending to be those machines.”

Vendors of coin changing machines were displeased about the negative light the machines were put in by the simulation. Some felt the concept of adding bugs, lint and bobby pins to the simulation, while being realistic, had gone too far.

A new study from the Center for Internet Analysis estimates that by 2012 spam will become self aware. The CIA reported that it will give the details of its study to the press in the form of a mass mailing. There is some speculation that in 2012 self aware spam will generate a spam singularity, where the pace of spam technology reaches exponential proportions. In a matter of seconds spam may become the most intelligent and useless life form on earth.

An anonymous source in the CIA has this to say,

“This could actually be a good thing. At the point spam becomes self aware it will start to target itself as a new customer base. This could invariably result in spam destroying itself through its own techniques. At the very least it will get a taste of its own medicine.”

Spam itself could not be reached for comment as it isn’t yet self aware.

Danny Devito issued a statement today publicly thanking Rosie O’Donnell for removing public attention from him saying,

“It takes great courage to offend over 1 billion people in order to help protect the public image of one of your guests. Her verbal malfunction totally detracts fom my negative press generated by her show. The fact is that it’s news all over the world. That you know, you can imagine in China it’s like: ‘Ching chong … ching chong. Rosie O’Donnell, ching chong, chong, chong, chong. dumbass. ‘The View.’ Ching chong,”

Danny went on to say that he had learned several dialects of Chinese from Rosie personally and thanked her for that as well.